The SPW Scale

There are many criteria a reviewer might use to rate stage shows. Is there more than one stage? How big is the main stage? How good are the sound system and lighting? How good is the seating in regard to the stage? I cover all these factors in my reviews, but I ultimately rate the stage shows—topless and nude, casino showroom stage or strip club stage—according to the single most important criterion for strip-club aficionados as recommended by the International Board of Strip Club Devotees: the “SPW Scale.”

Most reviewers would not rate strip club shows on the same scale as casino production shows, but the SPW scale makes this possible, since it’s based on a single factor: wood.

The SPW (or Statistical Probability of Wood) Scale ranges from a theoretical high of 100% (impossible to attain in the real world) down to an unlikely (but unfortunately attainable) rating of 0%. To be honest, a club or show’s SPW rating is based on my subjective opinion of how sexy the stage shows are, which is to say, how likely I think it is that a show will turn you on.

Obviously, the average grade of dancer in a club is a big factor in this. But a club with lots of fine and very fine dancers doesn’t necessarily rate higher than one with more average dancers. A small dark stage generally makes for a poor stage show. Most of the topless strip clubs in Vegas, including many of the most popular clubs with the finest dancers, have pretty low SPW ratings for their stage shows because the stages are small or dark or both, so the dancers can’t really dance.

An SPW rating of 80% or more means that, in my opinion, if you don’t get turned on in this club most of the time you go there, then face it: You’re gay. You’re reading the wrong guide. Go to the Huntington Press website where you’ll find the more appropriate guide, Gay Vegas. (And if you know you’re not gay, then buy some Viagra, because IMHO, you have some serious circulation problems below the waist.)

An SPW rating below 20% means that, in my opinion, this club is about as arousing as the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. If you always get turned on in a club with a rating this low, you probably shouldn’t be wasting your money in strip clubs. Just go home and watch TV. Technically, any SPW rating above 50% is pretty good. A club with a rating of exactly 50% is probably worth a look if you feel like flipping a coin with your erectile tissues.

Personally, I recommend not visiting a club with an SPW rating below 50%, unless you’re going there specifically for the lap dances or VIP room, or because the club has some great deal on drinks or Monday Night Football or something like that. (And I’ll note here that only one of the Vegas topless clubs has an SPW rating greater than 50% and 35% is the most common topless club rating. Guys are not going to these clubs for the stage shows. You go to these clubs primarily for the physical contact.)

Despite excellent stages with good lighting, most casino production shows rate lower than the strip clubs on the SPW scale. This is because the casino showrooms strive for more well-rounded entertainment that often includes singing, comedy, novelty acts–bits without tits. For more on the big differences between casino topless shows and topless strip clubs, see my Overview of the Casino Shows.

For more on the big differences between the topless strip clubs and the nude strip clubs, see Topless vs. Nude.

See also my complete Ratings Guide that explains my A-B-C club ratings and my dancer ratings.
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3 Responses to “The SPW Scale”

    • Arnold Snyder

      Enrique: Different clubs charge different amounts. None have yet posted their details for the 2017 game. Last year, Sapphire’s party was $75 in the main room and $150 in the Showroom. As soon as the clubs start posting details, I’ll report them here.

      Reply

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