Sapphire Las Vegas Topless Pool
Palomino Club Las Vegas

A Better Way to Choose a Vegas Strip Club

[]

If you're looking for information on the best strip clubs in Las Vegas, you just hit the jackpot, Jack. You've found the ultimate Las Vegas guide to girls peeling off their underthings in public.

Las Vegas Topless Clubs, Nude Clubs and More

There are 16 topless gentlemen's clubs in Las Vegas, seven clubs where the girls are on stage fully nude, ten casino shows that feature topless showgirls, bars and nightclubs that feature erotic entertainment, peep shows, swingers' clubs, 10 adults-only topless party pools, and a dozen male revues, including one where the guys dance nude.

We've got strip clubs with such an awesome number of drop-dead gorgeous dancers that the scene rivals the harem of the Sultan of Brunei. We've got strip clubs that offer private VIP rooms where you can close the door and get creative with the dancer of your choice.

We've got high-mileage lap dances, nude bed dances, shower shows, mud and oil wrestling, bikini bull-riding, pretty beaver contests, and Monday night football titty blizzards. We’ve got strip clubs that feature stacked dancers, others that feature big booty, and still others that feature 18-year-olds who can fly around the stripper poles.

We’ve even got high-end legal brothels an hour's drive from Vegas.

As a traveling man, I've been to strip clubs in just about every state in the U.S.—including Alaska and Hawaii—and a lot of other countries as well, and I've never seen another town like this one for strip clubs. The best strip clubs in Las Vegas are some of the best strip clubs in the world.

100% Honest Vegas Strip Club Reviews

At Topless Vegas Online, I cover it all. I give it to you straight and tell you exactly what you can expect. If I like a place, I tell you why. If I don't like a place, I tell you the problem. I list the prices for everything, and whether or not I think they're worth it.

Las Vegas Strip Club Costs, Etiquette, Slang and Local Laws

I also fill you in on how to avoid getting ripped off by the tourist traps, and provide tricks the locals use to have maximum fun at minimum cost. And if you're new to the Vegas strip club scene, you'll find guides to Las Vegas strip club etiquette, tipping advice, slang, and local laws.

How to Get the Most from Topless Vegas Online

If you're not familiar with Vegas strip clubs, start with the articles under "Strip Club Survival Guide" at the left. Once you know whether you're looking for a topless or nude club, or some other adult entertainment, check out the "Best Of's" at the top left.

Once you've narrowed down the clubs or shows that you're most interested in, check out their individual reviews for detailed information, hours, prices, and location. And don't forget to check out the free round-trip limo transport offered by many of the clubs. The clubs give free admission when you arrive at their club by their limo, no strings attached. That can save you $70+ to enjoy the pleasures of the establishment.

Lap Dancing: Not an Amusement

Philly Says Local Strip Clubs Owe “Amusement Tax”

The city of Philadelphia recently attempted to extort hundreds of thousands of dollars from local strip clubs by claiming that for years the clubs have failed to pay the “amusement tax” on lap dances. Attorneys for the clubs argued that lap dances at strip clubs are theater, which is exempt from the amusement tax. Read more…

Marquee on Strip Club In Evansville

BusybodyA strip club in Evansville, Indiana, recently got in trouble with the law for a sign they posted on the club marquee that offered a bit more than your average lap dance. Neighbors complained and the cops called the club and told them to take down the sign.

A “blow job” is a cocktail made with Bailey’s Irish Cream and Kahlua. But the cops aren’t letting the club off the hook that easily because in Indiana it’s a violation of state law for a strip club to give away free liquor. (Even the casinos in Indiana are forbidden from providing free booze to customers.) All I can say is I’m glad I’m in Vegas.

Miss Bum Bum Brazil

Beauty contests in Brazil are somewhat different from beauty contests anywhere else. Like Miss America in the U.S., the winner of Brazil’s annual Miss Bum Bum pageant becomes a national celebrity who will earn a lot of money in product endorsements. I’m not sure exactly what kinds of products Miss Bum Bum 2013, 25-year-old Dai Macedo will be endorsing, but I’ll take a dozen.

 

Amateur Night at Hustler Las Vegas

Amateur Contests at Vegas strip clubs almost never include amateurs. In just about all cases, these are dancers auditioning for jobs or in some cases just trying to get the prize money. But one of the reasons these contests are good is that the contestants are really competing. It’s some of the best dancing you’ll ever see in the strip clubs.

We don’t have real amateur contests in Vegas because amateurs are not allowed to dance on our stages. That’s the law. To get on stage, the dancer must have a Sheriff’s Card ($45) and a temporary Business License ($200) or she’s wasting her time showing up to perform. And that Sheriff’s Card requires fingerprinting and a background check. So, we don’t get to see tourist women who get drunk and out-of-control and decide to jump onstage and take their clothes off. Dammit! (You’ve gotta hit the regular nightclubs to see that kind of action.)

Anyway, I’ve got to assume that anyone showing up for an amateur contest with a sheriff’s card and a business license is a dancer or someone doing everything possible to become a dancer. A couple days waiting in lines at government offices and $245 in fees pretty much rules out college girls having a lark. Some of the dancers are talented and experienced and it’s worth sitting through a number of mediocre dancers to see just one or two really talented dancers showing off. (And yes, even though these aren’t rank amateurs, you should expect to see some mediocre dancers, awkward dancers, and out-of-shape dancers in any amateur contest.)

I’ll describe the competition I saw the Monday before Thanksgiving, as there was enough of a crowd for that one to make it a good contest.

The event is advertised as starting at 11:00 pm. It started closer to 11:45, par for the course for strip club events. The advertisements also state that the winner is chosen by audience applause and advises contestants to bring all their friends. This is probably where a good portion of the crowd comes from, as a couple contestants definitely had peanut galleries cheering them on.

The event takes place on one of Hustler’s two stages on the lower level. I like Hustler’s oval stages because although they’re not huge they’ve got seats all around and they’re big enough for the dancers to dance. They’re also low enough that anyone sitting on the rail is at the perfect height for watching dancers close up. This is one of the best topless clubs in Vegas for watching dancers and you’ll see some real dancing talent. Here’s a shot of those stages:

HustlerBusyOkay, maybe one of the dancers in that event was an amateur. She was good on the pole but she also kicked over three customers’ beers (including mine) in her enthusiastic floor show. No one seemed to mind. In fact, the MC brought three cocktail waitresses onto the stage with bottles of Skyy Vodka for free shots all around on the rail.

When all but two dancers had been eliminated, the winner was determined by an onstage lap-dance contest. The MC had a couple of seats brought onto the stage and volunteers from the audience were coaxed up and seated. Each dancer had a minute to show her best moves to each volunteer. These were the wildest lap dances you ever saw. If you think the best way to judge a lap dancer must include not only the visual and tactile senses, but also the olfactory, it would be well worth your while to volunteer for this job. (Update: I should note that on other nights I’ve seen this contest since this review last November, the onstage lap dance contest did not take place–a mistake in my opinion, as that was the funniest part of the contest.)

In addition to auditioning for the club, the dancers were also competing for money, though it was never announced how much each of the top three were awarded. The poster says, “Thousands in cash and prizes,” so your guess is as good as mine.

This is a well-run show and I’ll definitely go see it again. It lasts about thirty minutes. Insider’s Tip: If you’ve got local ID, pay ten bucks for a Hustler VIP card and for the rest of time (or until the policy changes) your drinks will be $5 each.

Here’s my full review of Hustler Club.
EndGirl0

[Hustler interior photos not taken on amateur night]