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A Better Way to Choose a Vegas Strip Club

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If you're looking for information on the best strip clubs in Las Vegas, you just hit the jackpot, Jack. You've found the ultimate Las Vegas guide to girls peeling off their underthings in public.

Las Vegas Topless Clubs, Nude Clubs and More

There are 16 topless gentlemen's clubs in Las Vegas, seven clubs where the girls are on stage fully nude, ten casino shows that feature topless showgirls, bars and nightclubs that feature erotic entertainment, peep shows, swingers' clubs, 10 adults-only topless party pools, and a dozen male revues, including one where the guys dance nude.

We've got strip clubs with such an awesome number of drop-dead gorgeous dancers that the scene rivals the harem of the Sultan of Brunei. We've got strip clubs that offer private VIP rooms where you can close the door and get creative with the dancer of your choice.

We've got high-mileage lap dances, nude bed dances, shower shows, mud and oil wrestling, bikini bull-riding, pretty beaver contests, and Monday night football titty blizzards. We’ve got strip clubs that feature stacked dancers, others that feature big booty, and still others that feature 18-year-olds who can fly around the stripper poles.

We’ve even got high-end legal brothels an hour's drive from Vegas.

As a traveling man, I've been to strip clubs in just about every state in the U.S.—including Alaska and Hawaii—and a lot of other countries as well, and I've never seen another town like this one for strip clubs. The best strip clubs in Las Vegas are some of the best strip clubs in the world.

100% Honest Vegas Strip Club Reviews

At Topless Vegas Online, I cover it all. I give it to you straight and tell you exactly what you can expect. If I like a place, I tell you why. If I don't like a place, I tell you the problem. I list the prices for everything, and whether or not I think they're worth it.

Las Vegas Strip Club Costs, Etiquette, Slang and Local Laws

I also fill you in on how to avoid getting ripped off by the tourist traps, and provide tricks the locals use to have maximum fun at minimum cost. And if you're new to the Vegas strip club scene, you'll find guides to Las Vegas strip club etiquette, tipping advice, slang, and local laws.

How to Get the Most from Topless Vegas Online

If you're not familiar with Vegas strip clubs, start with the articles under "Strip Club Survival Guide" at the left. Once you know whether you're looking for a topless or nude club, or some other adult entertainment, check out the "Best Of's" at the top left.

Once you've narrowed down the clubs or shows that you're most interested in, check out their individual reviews for detailed information, hours, prices, and location. And don't forget to check out the free round-trip limo transport offered by many of the clubs. The clubs give free admission when you arrive at their club by their limo, no strings attached. That can save you $70+ to enjoy the pleasures of the establishment.

Vegas Under the Bat Plague Regime (Updated)

Bellagio Features the Worst Bat Plague Harassment in Town

Bellagio has Installed Plexiglas Dividers Even On Its Crap Tables

If what you are coming to Vegas for is the most Bat Plague harassment for the buck, Bellagio is where you want to go.

Bellagio has installed those Bat Plague Plexiglas dividers on many of their gaming tables, guaranteed to concentrate any minor Bat Plague exposure into a lethal virus particle dose.

If you sit down to play at a table without the Bat Plague dividers, you are required to wear a mask.

Even crap tables are set up with those awful Plexiglas dividers.  You can click on the photo to enlarge it and see it more clearly.

Rumor has it that players at high limit tables are also required to kneel before the nickel and quarter table players and apologize for their privilege.

To give you an idea of how popular these measures are, the Bellagio Conservatory, which is almost always packed, had exactly two visitors in it yesterday at 5 pm.  The theme was Asian, as if to remind us of the Wuhan Virology Lab.

Maybe everyone was in their rooms, watching the 4th George Floyd funeral.

Stirrings at Sapphire (Updated)

Friend of TVO Benny Hill reports Bat Plague testing may be going on at Sapphire Gentlemen’s Club.  So far, I’m unable to confirm. I can confirm this is true.

They’re “being proactive in anticipation of good news from the governor.”

I’ve read everything into this I can possibly read into this.  I’m checking with other strip clubs to see if anybody else is anticipating good news.

Sahara Struggles After Bat Plague

At 7 pm, there were only six players total at the Sahara’s table games yesterday.

There were zero restaurants open at 8:30 pm on the property.

It’s sad, because Sahara has just gone through an impressive renovation.  The casino, at least, looks beautiful.

Something Funny Going on with Wynn Toilet Paper

Friend of TVO Benny Hill reports something funny is going on with toilet paper at Wynn.

His bathroom had an extra roll of TP with a black sleeve with white lettering around it.  The sleeve read: “Emergency Backup”.

Wynn must be having a really hard time.  If you’re planning on staying there, might want to bring a few rolls.

Terry Fator is Out at Mirage

The Terry Fator ventriloquism show has permanently closed at the Mirage.

He’s looking for another venue.

A Ray of Light at the Tuscany

Friend of TVO Scott W. reports there is live music at the bar in the Tuscany, and plenty of customers to enjoy it.

Repeat:  Live music at the Tuscany!

I have found no live music anywhere else so far.

Don’t Cancel Your Reservations Yet! (Update)

Two big things happened today.  Sapphire calling in employees and dancers for Bat Plague tests (see above) is meaningful.  Not a guarantee, but meaningful.

The other big thing that happened today is the Democrat New Jersey governor just ended his stay-at-home order 2-3 days after announcing he was extending it 30 days.

You don’t make a U-turn like that unless something big is going on that we don’t know about, like a massive lawsuit against Democrat governors and mayors for allowing riots and giant protests and massive George Floyd funerals when everyone else is locked down.

I think it may be over.  We may see boobies freed at Sapphire and naked angels flying around the stripper poles at Palomino Club any time now.  We may actually see titty ball games and topless girls in the sunshine at Sapphire topless pool this summer!

Welcome to Not Vegas!

Unusual Conditions Reported at Flamingo

I’ve received an email from a card counter staying at the Flamingo right now that the hotel has reopened without housekeeping or room service.

I have sought clarification on what he means by “no housekeeping.”  I assume he means the only housekeeping your room gets is a cleaning after you check out and before the next guest checks in.  If you spill a drink (or worse!) I assume you’re on your own.

I assume you don’t have to bring your own sheets, or clean the toilets when you arrive!

Let’s hope the rooms are cleaned between guests!  You can’t count on anything these days.

Wynn Is Now A Motel 6

Friend of TVO Benny Hill reports that when you first arrive at your room at Wynn, your room is sealed like a crime scene. You break the seal and enter.  It reminds me of those “Sanitized For Your Protection” paper bands they used to wrap around toilet seats at cheapo motels.

And it’s not just at Flamingo where no housekeeping is available.  At Wynn, housekeeping will bring you bedding, towels, and whatnot, as if you were staying at Boy Scout camp.  You can even get room service. However, they cannot enter your room.  No making your bed, no arranging your toiletries.  No turn-down service at night with a mint on your pillow.

Instead, they knock on the door and hand you your stuff or leave the room service table for you to pull in and set up.  If you need the room vacuumed you have to do it yourself!

Wynn has gone the way of Motel 6!  I can’t imagine their clientele is happy with this state of affairs.

Wynn’s Buffet to Return with “New Tech”

Wynn’s buffet is set to reopen in mid-June.  They explained the reason they are able to reopen under Bat Plague rules is they are using “new technology.”

Here’s how it works.  You sit at your table and a waitress comes and takes your order.  Then she brings you the food you’ve ordered.

That’s the “new technology” — a waitress.  In other words, it’s not a buffet.

Even Wynn is gaslighting us.

Red Rock Shows the Future of Table Games in Not Vegas

Playerless Baccarat Dealing Table
Now at Red Rock

The Vegas casinos have wanted to replace human table games dealers for decades, but people who bet real money never accepted electronic substitutes.

Now, casinos are betting that Bat Plague terror will change all that, and Red Rock Casino on the west side of town is showing the way.

Most (or maybe all) gaming tables are being replaced by video gaming stations arranged in a kind of stadium around a handful of human dealers.  There will be one human dealing roulette, one dealing baccarat, one dealing blackjack, and so on.

You select the game you want to “play” on your gaming station video screen.  Then you place your bets on your screen and watch the spin of the roulette wheel or deal of the cards on a big video screen behind the dealers.  I believe everyone in the room plays the same blackjack hand, but you all indicate on your video screen whether you want to hit, stand, double down, split, or take insurance.

The video screen pays or takes your bets.  Then the next deal starts.

No messy stacks of chips to sort out when everyone piles in on a single roulette number and it hits.  No cards to hold.  No hand signals.  Nobody nagging you from the other end of the table that you took the dealer’s bust card.  No joking with the dealer or the player sitting next to you.

Away with all that!  Now you can sit alone and lose your money in wretched silence.

If it weren’t for the ongoing Bat Plague hoax, this set-up would be gone in a month.  But under the Bat Plague regime, the Vegas casinos can no longer afford to pay humans, so the set-up may be in place until the last casino here folds.

Vegas Roulette Under the Bat Plague Regime

The Girls Are Still Cute

Note the Full Welding Shield
on the Dealer Behind Her

The girls are still cute, even with diapers on their faces. That is the mask being used at The D.

Note the full welding shield on the dealer behind her.  I think you’ll be seeing more of that, as casino employees are complaining that they can’t breathe in the face masks.  At least you won’t see dealers keeling over in front of you.

You’ll see lots of latex gloves as well, to give you that warm feeling you’re about to get a prostate exam.

It’s like every cocktail waitress has leprosy.

WSOP Moves Entirely Online

The World Series of Poker has given up on Steve Sisolak, the Democrat governor of Nevada, doing any meaningful further reopening in the foreseeable future.   They are moving the tournaments entirely online.

The tournaments will start July 1 at WSOP.com.  Yes, you can win bracelets.

High Rollers Have Not Returned

Lasvegasadvisor.com reports that Tilman Fertitta, owner of the Golden Nugget, told investors on a conference call that “high-end gamblers have yet to return, room rates are still far from their pre-pandemic levels, and occupancy rates remain low.”

On the other hand, Golden Gate, Fremont and Binion’s all have $5 blackjack.

We’ll see what next weekend brings.


Long Lines in Las Vegas (Updated)

But It’s Because of Social Distancing

Line at the Flamingo Pool

I was checking things out on the Vegas Strip today and saw some long lines.  There was a long line at the Flamingo pool, for example.

The trouble is that the lines are not because of big, happy, partying crowds but because of the governor’s killjoy social distancing requirements.  Reportedly he called the casinos June 3 and told them he did not want Lake of the Ozarks-style videos on social media.

Lake of the Ozarks in Missouri was packed Memorial Day weekend with everybody having a good time.  That was 11-12 days ago and the incubation period for Bat Plague is five days.  There’s been no report of an outbreak in Missouri so why not have Lake of the Ozarks here?

The casino execs must be tearing their hair out.  What casino execs mostly live for is Lake of the Ozarks-style videos of their casinos on social media.

In any case, you try to go to the pool and it’s limited to a fraction of normal occupancy and you stand around for hours in the heat while 3/4 of the pool and deck chairs are empty the entire day.

It was the same thing at the Orleans poker room yesterday — 100 people waiting to play, with only a dozen four-handed games open.

What this means if you’re coming here soon is that if you want to get into a place like the Flamingo pool, or you actually want to play poker, you have to get in line early enough to actually get in with the first batch of people.  That means you probably have to be there well before opening.

Otherwise you may wait for hours and still never get in.  Of course, in the past a small bribe at the gate has always worked to solve such problems.  But I’m not sure that will fly in the new Bat Plague regime and, if it does, it will be more expensive.

You’ll likely have shorter pool lines if you stay at TI or Caesars or Wynn or MGM Grand.  Flamingo appears to be the most-booked hotel on the Strip at the moment.  Their parking garage is completely full.

The Strip Shuts Down at Midnight

Friend of TVO Benny Hill reports that he saw 40% mask usage by guests at Wynn on opening night, but only about 5% of people with children were wearing masks.  Wynn must get a sickly crowd.

Benny talked to a woman at the front desk who told him off the record that a lot of employees are complaining about headaches and dizziness from the surgical masks. This only two days in.

Out on the Strip, Benny reports the longest lines were for Fat Tuesday type places, yard drinks. Only about half of the bars on the Strip were open (most of the ones that remain closed will likely never reopen).  He says the biggest issue he heard people complaining about was that everything was closed before midnight.  In the greatest party town on the planet, there was nowhere to go and nothing to do after the hour when farmers at home were turning in.

A restaurant manager told him businesses were just trying to feel everything out.

On the Strip he saw zero live music, no street performers, no illegal aliens passing out hooker cards.  Hookers, as the purest form of capitalism in Las Vegas, seem to me the canary in the coal mine.  If the hookers aren’t returning, will Vegas ever come back?

New Fremont Street Rules

Fremont Street Experience is open but for now all visitors must be 21 years of age with valid ID.  So the moonwalk kids aren’t there, and neither are all the local kids dancing to the bands.  Some people (especially the downtown casino execs) never liked having the kids around.  I did.  I miss them.  They always knew the latest dance moves.

Plus backpacks and purses are restricted.  (Maybe because everyone at the Antifa riots was wearing a backpack.) About 5% of people on the street were wearing masks.

Below is a video of the Fremont Street Experience last night.  It was Saturday night at 10:38 pm.  No showgirls.  No Elvis impersonators in costumes that hadn’t been washed in six months.  No David Copperfield-hopefuls doing card tricks.

Many of the cheapo jewelry and “fine art” kiosks remain closed.  It’s a hard time to buy a painting of MLK on black velvet in Vegas.

When Chico’s Doughnuts says it was “hoppin’,” I believe he means hopping for a Wednesday in mid-December after the tourists all go home for Christmas.

More Vegas Reopenings

Return of Big Elvis

The poker room at the Golden Nugget reopens tomorrow (Saturday) at 9 am.  It will likely offer the same four-handed games as everywhere else with 1/4 of the tables in use.

Excalibur reopens next Thursday, June 11.  It’s not that everybody’s rooms are filled but that the casinos seem to be desperate for more gambling space because of social distancing at table games and between slots.  They don’t mind if you wait for hours to get into the pool but they want you to be able to play blackjack immediately.

Friend of TVO Scott W reports Venetian, Caesars and Flamingo were busy when he visited.  He says TI was slow.  TI was slow when I visited as well.

Pete “Big Elvis” Vallee will return to entertaining gamblers at Harrah’s on June 12, with showtimes Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons at 2 pm, 3:30 pm. and 5 pm.

Outside, at night, the Strip was its beautiful self.

I estimate 5% of guests in casinos on the Strip were wearing masks when I walked around.  Temp checks are done differently everywhere.

Vegas Casino Changes

Stations Casinos Cut Video Poker Points in Half

Plenty of Room for Social Distancing at NYNY Saturday at 4 pm

Professional gamblers may be interested to know that dealers at the Stratosphere are now keeping their own tips instead of pooling.  As you know, a tip at the right moment…

The poker tables at Binion’s are completely gone.  A cocktail waitress said she thought it was temporary.

They’ve eliminated table games at Casino Royale permanently.

Stations Casinos have eliminated points on table games play completely and cut points in half on video poker and multi-game boxes, video blackjack and electronic table games.

Gilley’s is reopened at TI but without bikini bull-riding (the best thing about the place, IMHO) for now.

Reportedly, L’Atelier de Joel Robuchon and Joel Robuchon restaurants have not reopened, although MGM Grand has.

Still not a peep about Tropicana reopening.  Uh-oh.

Regarding that free parking… At Flamingo, hotel check-in or a player’s card is required to park for free at the moment.  That’s likely because the hotel is fuller than most, with the parking garage completely full.  I haven’t checked everywhere but I haven’t heard that about anywhere else.

Morels Steakhouse at the Venetian is closed permanently.

The former sex toy shop at Flamingo is now a RuPaul boutique.

What About the Las Vegas Strip Clubs?

Friend of TVO Aaron has been checking at Sapphire and they are still taking reservations for June 15.  But I know a lot of the people who work there and nobody has said anything to me.

Same thing for Palomino Club and the other best Vegas strip clubs.  I worry about some of the sketchier places reopening at all, but let’s hope for the best.

No wonder the most-read post on TVO right now is on the Tijuana strip clubs.  Just be aware that, with the border closed, Tijuana isn’t doing much better than Vegas.  You can still walk across the border from San Diego if you say you have a job there or you’re going for a family emergency or the like.  But you’re not supposed to cross for a cheap meal and a night at the strip clubs.

Las Vegas Poker Scouting Report

Poker Waiting List This Afternoon
at the Orleans

They are offering four-handed poker games in the Orleans, South Point and Venetian poker rooms.

They had waiting lists over 100 players long for Holdem games at Orleans.

Both South Point and Orleans are running 12-16 cash games as I type.  Why don’t they open some more tables?

The poker room at the Golden Nugget reopens Saturday, June 6, at 9 am.  No other poker in Vegas right now.

So things are getting going here, but we still have to be tortured with long waits and distancing while rioters get to run free.

Palomino Club Las Vegas
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