Science Shows Why Lap Dances Should Be Covered by Obamacare

About eight years ago, I saw a blog by an older man in Arizona whose wife had been hospitalized for years and would not be coming home.  This man, who wanted to be true to his wife, found comfort in the touch of lap dancers in the Scottsdale strip clubs. He was distraught over a new law the city council had passed that disallowed lap dancing, requiring dancers in Scottsdale strip clubs to maintain a four-foot distance from all customers.

The few hours he spent each week with a dancer in his lap, enjoying her caress and feeling the warmth of her body, was a pleasure he couldn’t bear to lose. (Fortunately, the law was voted down in the next election.)

The current issue of Las Vegas Weekly has an article titled “Professional Cuddling is a Real Thing.”  It describes a new business venture called Snuggle Buddies that provides cuddling and snuggling services. The Snuggle Buddies website lists professional cuddlers in more than 20 states. The rates range from $80/hour to $325/overnight.

The contract provisions include:  1. No sexual activity is permitted. 2. Both parties will remain clothed the entire session. 3. No touching in areas covered by undergarments is permitted. 4. No kissing is allowed.

Other provisions stipulate that no laws will be broken, that payment for services must be made in advance, and that the professional snuggler may carry a non-lethal weapon for protection should a client get out of control.

Does that remind you of anything?

The Health Benefits of Physical Caress

Behind these two stories is a lot of science that shows there are real physical and psychological health benefits to be derived from extended physical caress.  Extended physical contact increases blood levels of a hormone called oxytocin, a hormone known for its effect on successful bonding between mothers and their newborn infants.

A 2007 study in the journal Public Library of Science ONE showed that oxytocin increased generosity and altruism.  A 2003 study in the journal Regulatory Peptides showed that oxytocin lowered cortisol, the stress hormone.  A study published in 2010 in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences showed that oxytocin improved social interaction.

Oxytocin has also been shown to reduce drug cravings, cure insomnia, bolster the immune system, and provide numerous other health benefits for both men and women, all documented by studies published in reputable scientific journals.

Lap Dances Increase Oxytocin

I have yet to hear of a scientific study aimed specifically at the health benefits of lap dances (though I’d be willing to participate in such a study).

But it’s pretty obvious to me, from years of experimenting on my own, that lap dances lower my stress levels, increase my feelings of generosity, and cure insomnia, and I have to tell you, I haven’t had a cold or the flu in over 20 years.

What this means is that strip club lap dances likely should be considered one of the better forms of medical treatment available in this country.  That high you are getting from a good lap dance is directly related to the release of oxytocin, and it is doing you a world of good.


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