Friday, April 15
Palomino Club Is Where the G-Strings Drop
Scarlett Dances at Palomino Club
Photo by Hew Burney
According to a government survey, 88% of American men on their deathbeds say their major regret in life is that they didn’t see enough pussy. Said one dying geezer, “I can’t believe I just wasted my life looking at television and baseball games and political conventions – so many things other than pussy.”
Doctors now acknowledge that men who look at a lot of pussy add 5 – 10 years to their lives. “They’re just happier guys,” said Dr. Lubbock of the Mayo Clinic. “If you’re not looking at pussy every chance you get, you’re going to spend a lot of money on pharmaceuticals trying to cope with depression and anxiety, and you may even consider going the transgender route.”
Don’t do it, guys. Don’t get that operation just so you can look at some pussy once in a while. That fake pussy will never satisfy you.
Palomino Club (club review / club website) is the only strip club in Vegas with a full bar and fully nude dancers. On a Friday night, you’ll find 70 – 80 dancers with some of the most beautiful pussies you ever laid eyes on, all of whom get naked on stage and in the private, curtained VIP booths, up close and personal.
The stage show at Palomino is the wildest in town. For an idea of what you’re in for, see Lilith and Fiona’s girl-on-girl show and Scarlett, a TVO Dancer of the Month.
The drink prices are the same for locals and out-of-towners, and a great value for all by Vegas strip club standards – $6 drafts, $8 domestics. There’s no extra bar tab in the VIP room, where you can get a nude show with any dancer in the house in a private, curtained booth for only $100.
Palomino’s $60 “Flying Solo” package gets you free round-trip transportation by the club limo, free admission, a line pass and two drinks–or roughly $90 in value. Don’t waste your money on cab fare and cover charge. You can get a lap dance or two with what you save.
Groups of two or more can get free admission to Palomino (a $30 savings for each member of your party) by calling 1.702.327.7258 for the club’s free limo. Locals who arrive in their own cars are free, but if you arrive late on a busy night, you may be hit with a tab to cover two drinks up front.
Note: Palomino is a popular club that gets packed at peak hours, so arrange for limo pick-up by 9:30-10:00 pm–or buy a package at the club website–to make sure both a limo and a good table will be available. You must be 21+.
Sapphire – Lap Dance Paradise
Jessica Ann Is a Sapphire Gem
If you gamble with $200 in a Vegas casino, what is your mathematically expected outcome?
If you answered zero dollars, you obviously understand probability and statistics. Since every bet in the casino has a house edge, if you just keep betting, you’ll inevitably lose all your money. All you’ll have left is your memories of those bets you won before you gave it all back to the dealer.
On the other hand, if you gamble with $200 at Sapphire (club review / club website), what is your mathematically expected outcome?
Well, 200 bucks would cover ten lap dances (each one a gamble as you search for the girl with the perfect body) and once again, you wind up with zero. But now you’ll walk away with memories of Crystal and her incredible tits, and Jayden and Layla and Heaven (with that fine, fine ass) and Roxy and Capri and Lexus and Delilah and Heaven (a second time!) and Heaven (a third time!).
Then ask yourself if the memories of all these hot girls in your lap, in your face, and in your hands, didn’t deliver more and better memories for your money than thinking of that time the dealer busted and you won your double down (but lost your biggest bet two hands later).
Sapphire is the World’s Largest Gentlemen’s Club with 400 dancers in heels and g-strings at peak hours, all hoping to get topless in some guy’s lap. Make that lap your lap.
Every Friday and Saturday night, Sapphire also features a different adult film star, both on stage and available for private shows, lap dances, and dinner dates.
Tonight, Kendra Sunderland will be the featured performer. Kendra is known as the Oregon State Library Girl since she posted a video of herself getting naked and naughty in the college library a few months ago. (See Kendra Sunderland – the Oregon State Library Girl.)
Packages start at $135 to join Kendra at her private VIP table (open bar included) and $1600 for a full steak-and-lobster dinner date and Skybox private show (reserve early–you can do it online here). If you loved Kendra in her viral video, you’ll love her acting naughty in your lap.
If you’re coming mainly for the lap dance scene, the VIP65 package gets you a reserved table and provides extra bang for your buck (see my $ analysis in the club review–link above), all expenses considered. Note: Do not take a cab or commercial limo or you will be charged the $35 entry fee.
You can also get free admission by driving yourself or calling for the free club limo at 702-869-0003. (There’s a $15 reservations fee for the limo, waived if you purchase a buy-1-get-1-free drink coupon or bottle–a no-brainer.)
Saturday, April 16
Sapphire – Where 400+ Topless Dancers Are Looking for Vacant Laps
Abigail Mac At Sapphire on Saturday
Tonight at Sapphire (club review / club website), in addition to 400+ lap dancers looking for available laps (bring twenties), porn star Abigail Mac will be the feature performer on stage and available for private VIP dances at the club.
Abigail has appeared in such touching tributes to womanhood as Horny Lesbian Sisters and Naked Bondage Dreams. She’s an inspiration to young girls all over the world, and tonight she’s hoping to inspire you in Sapphire’s VIP room.
You can reserve a seat at Abigail’s VIP table with a two-hour open bar for $135 or set up a private steak and lobster dinner date with her online here. If you are a serious Abigail Mac fan, the $135 deal to join her at her VIP table is a good way to get an edge at getting her into your lap in the VIP (those autograph lines can get long). For more information, see Sapphire Offers a Girlfriend Experience with Adult Film Stars.
With Sapphire’s other package deals (available online) you get a discount on drink prices, plus free limo transport and admission, a line pass and a reserved VIP table–a real value because seats are hard to come by at peak hours and it’s hard to get a lap dance if you can’t find a place to sit down.
If you’re alone, the VIP65 package gets you a reserved table and provides extra bang for your buck (see my $ analysis in the club review–link above), all expenses considered. Note: Do not take a cab or commercial limo or you will be charged the $35 entry fee.
You can also get free admission by driving yourself or calling for the free club limo at 702-869-0003. (There’s a $15 reservations fee for the limo, waived if you purchase a buy-1-get-1-free drink coupon or bottle–a no-brainer.)
Sapphire Comedy Hour
The Sapphire Comedy Hour showcases up-and-coming stand-up comics every Saturday night at 8 pm. Your $20 entry fee gets you into Sapphire’s main room for no extra charge when the comedy show is over. You can also get a $65 VIP ticket to the Comedy Hour, which includes limo transport and admission, plus an open bar from 8 -9:30 pm.
Top working comics (tonight Gary Caquette and a “guest comic” TBA) that change weekly plus a classy burlesque dancer (Buttercup Delight tonight!) and a fine magician (Mon Dre, who is suave and reminiscent of the young Lance Burton) make this a great way to get your wife or girlfriend into a strip club. Hosted by Donnie Johnson, expect a lot of risqué humor and off-the-wall banter from the comics as they often use this venue to try out new material, especially over-the-edge stuff.
There’s also a dinner option in the Showroom (gourmet Mexican from the El Dorado Cantina–great food) before or during the show. Showroom doors open at 7 pm.
Call 1.702.869.0003 for the club limo–the $15 reservations fee will be waived if you purchase a buy-1-get-1-free drink coupon.
Afterhours at Crazy Horse III
Starting at 3 am tonight (Saturday), it’s DJ Turbulence at Crazy Horse III (club review). The $50 package deal gets you transportation to the club, free entry, and a $60 beverage voucher.
Nerdlesque at Artifice
Nerdlesque is a monthly burlesque show for nerdy dudes who like nerdy girls. There’s a different theme each month, and tonight’s theme is “no theme.” This makes sense to nerds. As I write this none of the performers have yet been listed on the Nerdlesque website or Facebook page. You can be sure they’re wearing glasses and bringing books to read between acts. Doors open at 7:30, show at 8. $10. Full bar. 21+. The Artifice is located at 1025 First St Suite #100, Las Vegas.
Sunday, April 17
Bikini Bull-Riding at Gilley’s
If you like cheap beer, shit-kickin’ country music, and girls in their underwear, Sunday night is always fun at Gilley’s (inside Treasure Island). The 11 pm Bikini Bull-Riding contest is actually pretty sexy–amateurs, mostly in their skivvies, trying to stay on that mechanical bull to win money. No cover charge. You must be 21+.
