I was sitting with a dancer at a Vegas strip club having a beer when another dancer approached.
I heard her say to the dancer I’d been talking with, “That guy over there in the pink shirt is a creep.”
The dancer I’d been chatting with glanced toward the guy and said, “He can’t be that creepy. He’s wearing jeans.”
I knew what they were talking about because over the years, I’ve heard quite a few dancers say similar things. And I’m sure if any other dancers had overheard the comment they too would have known exactly what was meant by he-can’t-be-that-creepy-he’s-wearing-jeans.
But I suspect many customers of strip clubs would be clueless about what that could possibly mean.
That’s why I’m here, guys. To set you straight.
Let’s say you show up at a Vegas strip club wearing your string-tied knee-length jogging shorts. As soon as you walk in, every dancer who sees you will think you’re a creep. I realize it may be different in Tampa or Detroit, but none of the dancers in a major Vegas strip club are going to think you just stopped in for a quick beer on your way to the gym in your nylon pedal-pushers. They’re going to think you specifically put on your dick-rub pants to come to the club on the hunt for a hot body to rub up against. Which you did.
But isn’t that what every guy getting a lap dance is doing?
No. Most guys see lap dances as performances, the same as stage dancing, but extra close and sometimes with touching allowed. The dancer is doing the performance. You’re witnessing and appreciating it. So far, so good. But when you wear your cotton track suit, commando style, you’re sticking your dick into the middle of the performance.
There’s a big Internet controversy about this right now. A lot of the men’s-interest sites are advising men on which types of pantaloons provide the most rub for the buck. But if you read the stripper sites, you’ll find that dancers find guys who come into a strip club in these types of pants to be “icky” (to quote more than one dancer on the subject).
What Men Say about the Best Lap Dance Pants
I wrote a review of Liquid Lapdance pants last month, and the Liquid Lapdance site is a big proponent of the jack-off-on-a-dancer’s-ass school of thought. On their blog, they have a post about the ten best types of pants to wear for a lap dance. Here’s their top choice (right), a style of pants they label the “Hardcore Regular.”
Over on the forum at bodybuilding.com, the discussion turned to the best type of pants a guy should wear to a strip club, and a piece of advice from one participant in the debate said: “I would imagine freeballing with sweatpants would be your best bet.”
And over on tuscl.net, a conversation on the same topic had this contribution to the subject: “I like having something that can hold my hard dick upright under the waistband as I don’t like wearing a belt. The other upside to this is that as I get harder, the tip of my cock tends to poke out above the waistline – a nice surprise for the interested stripper.”
Right, buddy. I’ll bet she’s thrilled.
Some of the discussion on these men’s sites centers around having an orgasm during a lap dance and which kinds of pants are optimal to facilitate this. Now I see why Liquid Lapdance pants were invented! There really are guys out there who go to strip clubs not just for fantasy, but for actual sexual fulfillment. And many of them think this is what strip clubs are for.
What Dancers Say About Lap Dance Jerk-Offs
On the dancer forums, the dancers seem to have a different perspective on this issue. Here’s a comment on the topic from Jezebel.com:
Here is a little insider fact, from a real life stripper: If we can tell that a guy is enjoying his lap dance a little “too much”, most of us back the fuck off and continue the dance from a farther distance. Making guys cum in their pants is not our job, and most of us find the idea of it utterly repulsive.
And from a blog post at riverfronttimes.com, an article titled: “13 Reasons Your Exotic Dancer Hates You,” reason #9 is:
9. Stop wearing Adidas warm-up pants to the club. I don’t care if it feels more real because they’re thinner than jeans. It’s just creepy.
Over on Jezebel again, a guy asked if it was common for men to orgasm during lap dances and wanted to know if it was against strip club rules for a guy to do that. The dancer’s answer:
“It very rarely happens. Not technically against the rules. HOWEVER. We WILL go tell EVERY other dancer. And probably notify the bouncers. And probably never give you a dance again. It becomes problematic when customers begin to equate simple lap dances with actual sex.” (CAPS hers)
So What’s a Horny Guy Supposed to Do?
One of the consistent arguments men make in these discussions is: What do you expect a guy to do if you’re humping on his dick with your tits in his face?
Look, guys, if your libido is so tightly wound that you can’t get a lap dance without involuntarily coming in your pants, you need to start jacking off more.
|Pro Tip: Before you go to the strip club, masturbate at home. Then you can enjoy the dancers for the artists they are.|
I should point out here that I’m not opposed to prostitution, which I believe should be decriminalized, as most of the laws against it are simply designed to harass women and keep them in their place. I support sex workers’ rights and I find slut-shaming to be morally repugnant. We live in a society where teenage girls are committing suicide for being slut-shamed for doing things teenage boys are bragging about.
I’m also aware of the fact that dancers in some clubs are prostitutes and that some clubs encourage dancers to sell sex. If you patronize clubs like that then feel free to wear your satin basketball shorts with no underwear.
But most strip clubs are not like this and most dancers are not like this, especially in Las Vegas where so many of the dancers in our strip clubs are professionally-trained dancers. Show some respect. For the dancers and for yourself. Do you really want to walk into a strip club and have all the dancers start talking among themselves about the creep who just arrived?
Maybe you have no special person in your life right now for affection and sex. I’ve been there. The affection of dancers in a strip club could be the only thing that keeps you from sitting out in your garage with the engine running.
Dancers are beautiful, charming, and sexy. They’ve got flirting down to such an art form you can sit and talk with them about nothing for hours. But no matter how lonely or horny you are, don’t go into a strip club to jack off unless you’ve got specific permission from a dancer to do that with her. When I wore Liquid Lapdance pants to a club to write a review of the product, I didn’t expect them to actually work.
So What Should You Wear for a Lap Dance?
Depending on the club’s dress code (if they have one), just wear your regular jeans or cargo shorts or trousers or anything but pants that will make you look like Mr. Hardcore Regular. In Vegas, some clubs disallow tank tops, baggy pants, bandanas, and gang wear. For the dancer’s comfort, remove keys and other sharp objects from your front pockets and don’t wear a belt buckle with sharp edges.
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