Guys go to strip clubs because they’re born with a visual/tactile sexual orientation that they want to gratify for a few hours without actually having sex. If you’re a guy who already has a sex partner—a wife, fiancée, or steady girlfriend—watching strippers is the perfect way to stay true to your love and your own nature at the same time. You can look at other women, maybe even touch them, without jeopardizing your relationship.
If you’re a woman who’s worried about your husband or boyfriend going to strip clubs, read this article. Your husband is not losing his attachment to you, nor is he tired of you, nor is he afraid of commitment. Your husband is normal. Many men just don’t talk about this stuff with women, even their wives. I go to strip clubs all the time and I’m still crazy about my wife.
If you’re a guy who’s never been to a strip club, I highly recommend this pastime as a rewarding hobby that’s guaranteed to brighten up your outlook on life. When you come out of a strip club, you always feel good—the same way you feel when you come out of an art gallery or a nature conservatory.
To spend a few hours just appreciating beauty is one of the most emotionally healthy things you can do. When you go to a strip club, you’re rewarding yourself just for being alive and having a robust sensory relationship with the world around you.
Men Go to Strip Clubs to Avoid Cheating
Many guys do not tell their partners they go to strip clubs because they believe (often correctly) that their partners would feel that their going to strip clubs was cheating. But guys don’t think of going to a strip club as cheating; guys think of strip clubs as a way to avoid cheating. Cheating, to a guy, means something that could lead to BIG trouble–getting a girl pregnant, catching a venereal disease, having some boyfriend or husband on their ass for defiling his woman, getting saddled with some crazy girl who thinks she’s in love with you and starts calling your house and yelling at your wife, or putting yourself in a position where you might actually fall in love with someone else.
Cheating to men is something that’s really bad because of the trouble it can lead to with a significant other.
Strip clubs present none of these problems for their customers. A lap dance is just a cash transaction. There are no relationships formed, no exchanges of bodily fluids, no husbands, boyfriends or pimps lurking in the background, no possibility of pregnancy claims. Going to a strip club to a guy is an entertainment, a sport on the order of bowling.
Internet Porn Is the Dancer’s Competition
Roughly 70-80% of men view Internet porn regularly. Only a modest percentage of men–maybe 12-15%–patronize strip clubs regularly. Roughly 10-12% of men are gay and have no interest in seeing naked women. Another 10-15%–usually due to some combination of age and (more often) poor health–have no interest in sex at all.
Internet porn is a more convenient, private, and less expensive form of sexual fantasy for men than strip clubs. But porn is also colder, a harder-edged fantasy world. A lot of porn is ugly. Disturbing even. Some men prefer softcore fantasies to hardcore and it’s not easy to avoid hardcore porn if you surf porn. Some guys just want to dwell in the softer, gentler world of strip clubs, where the women are always beautiful and the fantasy is always gentle and the dancers look like they’re enjoying themselves, having fun even, being creative and playful.
Many women think strip clubs are primarily about prostitution. In fact, there’s no more prostitution in a strip club than there is in a casino bar and a lot less than in many nightclubs. Many guys go to strip clubs specifically because they don’t want to go to prostitutes. It’s a relatively small percentage of dancers that perform acts of prostitution and a small percentage of men who are looking for those dancers.
The VIP room is about looking at and feeling the dancers’ bodies. That’s all. Hugging, rubbing, maybe she’ll even let you kiss her titties–but the guy is never undressed, never unzipped. It’s just safe petting, with no strings attached. But it’s not “making out.” Strippers don’t kiss. The VIP room is disease free. Stress free. Guilt free.
Why will guys pay for snuggling? From my perspective, it’s just how men are. I doubt I could change the wiring in my brain so that the beauty of women’s bodies would no longer entrance me. But why would I want to make such a change? In my life, looking at naked women has contributed an immense amount to my overall joy of living.
A strip club is a place where women give men permission to view them as sex objects in trade for cash. In order to act like sex objects, dancers become actresses, flirting with men they’re not attracted to in order to find the guys who will pay money for a close-up performance. Close-up, the guy’s expected to be passive. Although the dancer acts like she’s ready to fuck him, he knows it’s not going to happen.
I’m glad there’s a place where women allow me to look at them as sex objects and I never mind paying a dancer for her performance. Dancers deserve our support. They’re not only keeping an art form alive, they’ve continued to take it in exciting new directions. There were no pole dancers twenty years ago. Erotic dancing has become so much more gymnastic just in the past ten years. Many dancers are very brave women who are owning their bodies in a way that men own their bodies and in a way that most women never have.
Dancers make a substantial portion of their income from men who are married or in committed relationships. I go to strip clubs precisely because I don’t want to cheat on my wife. I’m madly in love with my wife. It would hurt my wife terribly if I had to tell her that she’s going to have to see her doctor because I caught the clap from some stupid fling. Or I got some girl pregnant. That could ruin my marriage. Married guys who have a regular “boys’ night out” with their buddies at regular nightclubs and bars–where women who act available really are available–are playing far more dangerously than guys who go to strip clubs.
Strippers Are Saving the World
Stripping is a way for women to practice the world’s oldest profession by just giving up the titties. Strippers are saving lives, saving relationships, and at the same time getting the best of a system that’s designed to exploit women.
Many dancers are single mothers, able to care for their children better because of the money they can make dancing. Many are empowered by the money they could never make from the typical jobs available to women in this economy.
Dancers today sell their VIP room performances at the going rate of about $500 an hour–a chunk of which goes to the club–give or take $100 depending on the venue. Most of us don’t have that kind of money, so we buy smaller increments of time. The standard in the Vegas topless clubs is $20 per song. You never hear a long song in a strip club because it’s the DJ’s job to make sure that no song ever goes more than the club’s limit, usually 2½ to 3 minutes. You want more? Cough up another twenty.
In just 2½ to 3 minutes, we try our damnedest to have a deep personal relationship with a lap dancers’ breasts. You can get to know a pair of breasts quite well in 3 minutes. Plus, she’s squirming all over you with that unbelievable ass. Twenty bucks is the fair market value of three minutes of tits and ass in Vegas, as established by strip clubs all over town.
But even $20 is a lot of money for many men today. This is a tough economy. Often we go to strip clubs just to look. In hard times we throw an occasional dollar on the stage to tip the dancers we like, to let them know they’re appreciated. Strip clubs offer excellent entertainment value.
Why Do Men Lie to Their Wives About Going to Strip Clubs?
Here’s a variation of a conversation I’ve had with more than one dancer:
Her: I see you have a ring on. Are you married?
Her: Does your wife know you’re here?
Me: She knows I go to strip clubs. She doesn’t know I’m at this particular club.
Her: Would she be mad?
Me: No. She doesn’t mind if I go to strip clubs. Why should she be mad?
Her: Most guys say they would never tell their wives.
Me: If I had a girlfriend, my wife would probably shoot me. But she doesn’t object to strip clubs. Would you care if your husband went to a strip club?
Her: I’m not married.
Me: What if you were married and you weren’t dancing anymore? Say you had a couple of kids. Would you care if your husband went to a strip club?
Me: Why not?
Her: I know the business. I know what it is and what it’s not.
More than one guy has told me he wished he had my wife. “If I told my wife I was going to watch strippers, she’d lock me out of the house. I’d never hear the end of it. You’re spending our money on lap dancers?”
Guys are cowards. They’re afraid to admit they go to strip clubs because they don’t want to start a big discussion with their wives about the reality of their sexual needs. They’re afraid they’ll scare their woman off (a legitimate fear).
But are you going to spend the rest of your life pretending to be domesticated? Isn’t it about time men came out of the strip-club closet? These days a husband’s more likely to admit to his wife that he’s got a gay lover than to admit he likes getting lap dances. Coming out gay is at least politically correct in most modern big cities. Buying a lap dance is not.
Men also want to avoid arguments over the money issue. But if you lie and your wife finds out, it does look like cheating. I keep telling guys tell your wife. Deal with the money issue. How much do you spend a month on R&R? Do you go to basketball games? Do you golf? Bowl? Make bets on sports? Mutually figure out your monthly R&R budget and stick to it. You know what you can afford. Make sure your wife has a similar R&R budget and don’t blow the rent money.
To some extent, this is a generational issue. Many young guys today, especially the under-30s, bring their wives and girlfriends to strip clubs with them. And many young women go to strip clubs on their own, without male escorts, and enjoy watching dancers. The Internet has made both men and women feel more comfortable about each others’ sexual differences, which has led to more experimentation and greater acceptance of all sexual orientations and predilections.
(Note: I finally got my wife to go with me to some of the Las Vegas strip clubs, and we’ve had a great time together. My wife says that if more women would go to strip clubs now and then with their husbands or boyfriends, they’d stop worrying about it, and their relationships would be stronger. For a his-and-hers account of my wife’s first visit to a strip club with me, see I Took My Wife to a Vegas Strip Club and Lived to Tell About It.)
The Difference between Men & Women
Strip clubs provide the same kind of gratification to men that women seek through reading romance novels and watching “chick flicks,” which provide them with vicarious emotional involvement with men other than their partners. Women’s sexual orientation is different from men’s and tends to be more emotional than visual/tactile.
I think most adults in our society know this without needing to read any dissertations on the subject. Men look at Penthouse and surf the net for porn and go to strip clubs. Women watch TV shows like “Sex and the City” and “The Tudors” and “Big Love,” and get emotionally involved in the relationships and sex lives of fantasy characters.
The male characters in “Sex and the City” never went to strip clubs. New York City has 200 strip clubs, but not a single one existed in Carrie Bradshaw’s New York City. Meanwhile, the girls in porno films don’t care a thing about designer shoes or nurturing emotional attachments with the men in their lives.
I can be sitting at the breakfast table with my wife and out of the blue she’ll say something like, “I just don’t think Big is right for Carrie.” Me: “Huh?”
I once asked my wife how many times she could watch reruns of Marie Antoinette and The Devil Wears Prada. She said, “When will you get tired of looking at tits and ass?”
I told my wife about a crazy strip club I found in New Jersey twenty years ago that had a back-room show where a dancer stood naked in a washtub and had a bucket of water poured over her. For five bucks a pop, guys lined up to rub soap suds on her breasts and buttocks.
Her: You didn’t get in line, did you?
Me: Of course I did. It was only five bucks.
Her: And you soaped up this girl’s ass?
Me: Well, geez, she had a really fine ass …
Her (with a bemused expression): No way on Earth would I pay some guy five bucks to wash his ass.
(And that’s the difference between men and women.)
Why We Don’t have “Ladies’ Clubs”
Did you ever wonder why we don’t have thousands of “ladies’ clubs” in this country, with hundreds of thousands of men employed as dancers, milling around nightclubs in their jockey shorts and snuggling in dark rooms with female customers who pay them $500 for a private show?
Is it because men are not whores like women? Is it that men would never stoop so low?
Ha! Believe me, if there were a demand for the product, the supply would be there. Men not whores? Hahahahahaha. I would take that job so fast.
But it’s not going to happen. There’s no market for that product, even for men in their prime. I’ve been to Chippendales (review here). It’s a comedy show: the women never stop laughing.
That’s not how men act in strip clubs. Most men in strip clubs maintain a reverent silence. They are in a state of bliss.
Why Men Respect Strippers
Many strip club customers admire dancers because men are genetically programmed to worship physical prowess. It’s why sports bars exist. We worship anyone who’s so much stronger, faster, sharper, and trickier than average that they’re out of the rat race and earning money we don’t even dream about.
Dancers’ ability to earn money by dancing impresses men no end. We see dancers as women who have found a way to beat the game purely by physical performance. We can’t help but stand in awe of their courage, to be naked in a room full of guys from all walks of life, and to have us all under their spell.
Men Will Never Change
A lot of politically progressive types and religious zealots might profess to believe that men can change into beings who won’t want to view women as sex objects anymore. That there’s something we as a society could do to alter this neanderthal wiring in men’s brains.
They’re wrong. It’s in our genes, our hormones, our testosterone. It would be like trying to get men off of football, fast cars, and fart jokes.
It ain’t gonna happen. Like Gaga says, we were born this way. Any guy who says he never views women as sex objects is either a liar or he’s gay and he views men as sex objects. Sexual objectification is a big part of what sex is to a man. Our eyes see tits and ass and our dicks jump.
Women don’t get it and they’re bamboozled because so many men are liars and insist they’re not like that. They’re like that. Believe me. Your preacher, your priest, your congressman, and your president are all surfing porn when no one’s looking and not a few of them are cheating on their wives, going to prostitutes, and patronizing strip clubs. And no matter how many times these hypocrites are caught with their pants down, women will continue to believe their lies because they don’t realize that male libidos are so different from theirs.
Why do men go to strip clubs? Because beauty makes life worth living.